Doctors Excuses - Give Fake Doctors Excuses For Gifts

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If you really want to lighten up someone's mood then provide them with a little present from the online world. Give them doctors excuses and watch that frown turn upside down. If you have someone in the family who's a prankster then this is the perfect gift for them. They can use them in any situation for tons of laughs. No one will appreciate these great gifts more! And they're not that expensive. You can purchase a set of fake doctors excuses online for a reasonable price.

There are all kinds of hilarious situations that these fake doctors excuses can be used for. If you decide to keep your excuses and not give them as a gift then you can use them whenever anyone asks you to wash the car, mow the lawn, do the dishes, feed the dog, put out the cat, rake the leaves, vacuum the carpet, clean out the garage, clean out your room and many more!

When someone in your family asks you to do one of these chores simply present your doctors excuses and you're home free! Just write on your excuse that you're "too sick" to do anything other than "lay in front of the television watching cartoons!" This can be a really funny situation. Just be careful of course to do whatever it is you're being asked to do. These fake doctors excuses are a license to have a good laugh (not actually get out of doing household chores!).

So if you want to have a really funny and unique gift to give to someone for a birthday, Christmas, office party, or some other party or get together then try doctors excuses. They're a fun alternative to other "boring" presents.

Click Here for the best doctors excuses online!

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Bring Your Daughter to Work Day

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Now that the government has bailed out the "Hole In The Wall Street Gang", it's time to get down more important issues. Like, "Bring Your Daughter To Work For The Day" - good idea, or bad idea? I say, "Good idea." That way your daughter can see all the exciting opportunities there are waiting for her in the wonderful world of business, plus, she'll get a better understanding how Mommy has to deal with so many buffoons, eight hours a day, five days a week, fifty weeks a year, and why she doesn't really care, when she gets home, to hear how little brother Timmy gave daughter Jessica's Barbie doll a buzz-cut.

So, yes, the concept is a good one, but as with all good ideas, there must be some concessions. For instance, not every branch of the business world needs Mommy to show daughter how the operation works.

Parent: Okay, honey, this is Mommy's office and this is a report that mommy has been working on for six months. I'm going to let you run it through the copy machine for me. Here you go. And this is the rest of the office. Any questions?

Daughter: Just one. Why does your copy machine shred the paper into long strips like that?

See what I mean? Some restrictions should apply. I believe men are also encouraged to bring their daughters to work. Once again, not a good idea in all circumstances.

Parent: Okay, honey, this is where daddy works at the "Let You Down Easy Funeral Home." Here at "Let You Down Easy" we like to treat the deceased with respect. You know, show them the same dignity and reverence they deserved when they were alive. Any questions?

Daughter: Just one. Can I play jacks on this old blue guy's chest?

Again, let's be a little more cautious when we dream up these days of interest.

Of course, not all daughters had that far to go to see where their parents work.

Parent: Okay, honey, this is the office that I work out of. As you can see, the office is not oval as the name of it applies. But, this is where I meet with foreign dignitaries and celebrities from the world of entertainment and sports. I also create and help develop existing ideas, foreign and domestic, to make this country the greatest country in the world. Any questions?

Daughter: Just one. If this is the office you work out of, which office does Daddy work out of, Mommy?

Now, at the risk of sounding sexist, I think the day should also include bringing sons to work as well as daughters. However, let's remember that as in the above scenarios, some restrictions apply and batteries are not included.

Parent: Okay, honey, this is where Mommy works in this big department store. Any questions?

Son: Just one. Do I have to have a Maybelline makeover?

Parent: Be quiet and don't move while Mommy applies the foundation.

In conclusion, I would just like to remind people who think up these ideas of creating special days like this, you're on the right track and I know I'll be looking forward to that day in June when we celebrate, "Bring Your Chia Pet To Work For The Day." Other days of interest may include, "Take A Convenience Store Manager To Literacy Class Day," "Talk Back To Your Boss Without Repercussion Day," and my personal favorite, "Take A Person Who Cuts You Off And Blow Out Their Tires Day." I also look forward to the day I can bring my daughter to work.

Me: Okay, honey, this is what I do. I write a column by using other people's ideas and take them to the limits of absurdity. Any questions?

Daughter: Just one. And they pay you for this?

http://www.purpleslinky.com/writers/Carl%20Megill.19266
http://www.purpleslinky.com/Humor/Work/Take-Your-Daughter-to-Work-Day.289669

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The Anti-Power of Intention

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The power of intention.?We've all heard about that lately, right??Every guru on the planet is talking about the zero point field, and how quantum physics relates to metaphysics, and The Secret is really big lately.?Hey, I love quantum physics, metaphysics, and I myself would dearly love to pull the winning lottery ticket out of the zero point field.?I have no problem with the idea that we create our reality, except for those calamitous moments that I refuse to believe I did to myself.?However, I do have proof that the power of intention actually does work.?

It all started with a sign that says, "Please pick up your dog poop."
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This sign is attached to a mailbox in a yard down the street and around the corner from where I live.?This poor guy apparently has been battling dog poop for quite some time.?He lives on a corner, and dog's love to grace his yard with their presence, if you know what I mean.?But this guy apparently does not understand the laws of the universe and that we create our own reality.?Having his sign state "please pick up your dog poop" simply tells the universe to give him more dog poop. And that's precisely what he is getting.
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Let me illustrate the point.?Not too long ago, I took Mooch for a walk.?My dog never leaves anything in anyone's yard, ever.?She's a good dog who goes potty in her own yard, and that's that.?So, I'm walking along staring at the dusky sky, admiring the way the fading sunlight is turning the sky pink and orange, when suddenly the leash in my hand goes taut and I'm nearly jerked backward off my feet.?I turn around to see what the heck is going on, and I'm absolutely shocked to see Mooch in the puppy hunch leaving some goodies in this guy's yard.
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"ACK!" I screech.?"Oh, my God, dog! What are you doing?"
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Mind you, Mooch never goes potty in someone else's yard.?I've had her forever, and I know this to be a law.?Not only am I mortified to be caught standing next to a dog leaving goodies...well...anywhere...but I'm especially mortified at standing next to a dog leaving goodies next to a sign that says, "please pick up your dog poop."?The worst part: I didn't have a doggy scoop, a baggy, not even a tissue.?Nothing to use to clean up Mooch goodies.
?
I furtively glance around, hoping no one, especially the guy who owns the sign, is watching.?Then as soon as Mooch is finished, I do what any human being would. I run.?Like hell.?Hey, I never said I was the epitome of moral perfection.?I didn't want to get yelled at, okay?
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Back home, I spent a few moments feeling guilty as hell.?Okay, okay, honestly, I whined for half the night, until my husband told me to shut up already.
?
Fast forward, about a week later, I'm walking Mooch.?Same route.?We get to the guy's house with the sign, and again I'm staring up at the sky while Mooch trails along beside me, when all of a sudden, the leash sets like I just threw an anchor out, and I nearly get jerked off my feet backwards.?My brain is going, 'no, it can't possibly be...not again...no way...she doesn't poop in other people's yard, never has, never will...except for that one time, and that was just a weird fluke that will never happen again.'?
?
Meanwhile, I'm turning to look, and "Oh, my God, dog! Not again! What is up with you? Why here??What??Can you read the sign, is that it??You can read the sign, you know what it says, and you think this is funny?"
?
Again, I have no doggy scoop, no baggy, not even a tissue to clean up the Mooch goodies.?As soon as I can, I give the leash a tug and...run.?Like hell.?Mooch just runs along beside me, grinning all the way home, and looking for all the world like she's laughing her tump off.
?
This time I didn't spend so much time feeling guilty.?This time I spent too much time trying to figure the odds on my dog doing goodies in someone else's yard when she never has before, and why, of all places, THAT yard with the sign on the mailbox.?It's just too weird, too incredible, and too much of a coincidence to ignore.
?
After a few days, I get over it and get on with my life.?Until...yep, you guessed it...I'm walking Mooch, the leash goes taut, I get jerked backwards, and there is my dog, angelic being that she is, pooping on the guy's lawn where the sign says, "please pick up your dog poop."
?
This time, when I run like hell, I tell Mooch, "Alright, knucklehead, I'm not walking you past that yard anymore, ever. Got it? Good.?It'll be a cold day in hell when I walk you even remotely anywhere in that direction.?And if you so much as pass wind during a walk, you'll lose your privileges, dog! Understood?"
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"There is no way, NO WAY, that is a coincidence.?Three times in less than two weeks? You did that on purpose. I don't know how, I don't know why, but you did that on purpose."
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Mooch just grins back at me as if to say, "Yeah, mom.?Cool, huh?"
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"Not only do I have to spell out words to prevent her from understanding me, now the dog can read.?How??How I ask you?" I shout to the universe.?Still running.
?
This does, however, illustrate a unique point.?The power of intention really does work.?Maybe a little too well.?At the very least, it reminds me that if I'm asking the universe for something, I better be pretty darn specific with my request.
?
Maybe that poor guy should change his sign to read, "My yard is perfectly clean and free of dog poop."?Or maybe he just shouldn't mention poop at all.

Copyright 2008? C. D. Blizzard www.cdblizzard.com

C. D. Blizzard is the author of Blackwater, Broken, and Profile. Want to take a peek inside this prolific author's life? Visit one of the most popular blogs on the web. http://www.cdblizzard.com

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Things You Should Never Do in Front of a CCTV Security Camera

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What do you do when confronted with the sight of a CCTV security camera? Do you go on as if it is a speck on the wall worthy of your attention as a, well, speck on the wall? Do you ponder it for a moment, wonder who is watching you watching him and then wander somewhere else with nary a second glance?

Whatever you do, never ever do these things if you value your sanity, your dignity, your levity, and most important, your life. (Unless of course, you are inside Big Brother's house relishing the presence of 24/7 surveillance cameras and losing all of the above will get you noticed by TV viewers, in which case, this could be turned into "Things You Must Do To Win the Grand Prize")

Make Funny Faces

With your face so near the CCTV security camera your nose hairs are visible from the security monitor, at that. If you think the security personnel will be amused with the sight of your scrunched-up, cross-eyed, wrinkled-nose, tongue-out face, you have another fist coming.

Did I say fist? I meant think. And even if the fist does not come, you will be certainly marked for life as easily as if a fist has broken your wrinkled nose and set it straight. Or whatever. You know what I mean.

Do a Striptease

Well, your male viewers will enjoy the show. Maybe they will sit back, prop their feet on the security console, relax and drink beer. After all, your performance might rival Big Brother 9 Natalie's striptease only better because they have exclusive viewing options. Maybe, they will zoom the CCTV security camera on your lady parts for a better view. Yum yum.

Then again, do you really want to be slapped on with handcuffs after the show? Or even clothed again, only with a straightjacket? And did you know footages from the CCTV security camera can be rewound again and again and again for your fans' perverted pleasure?

Rant and Rave

You will get nowhere on ranting and raving unless you and your viewers either know sign language or adept at charades or proficient in lip reading. You never know if the CCTV security camera can capture your here-comes-the-four-horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse voice!

Why? Simply because not all CCTV systems are sophisticated enough to capture sound and even if they do, they would run into trouble with the law. Another impertinent why? Well, because in many states, sound recordings taken off video cameras are inadmissible in a court of law unless you are the law itself.

If you really want to tell your boss to go (insert vulgar euphemism of choice for intimate relations) with himself, you are better off telling him to his face. Get inspiration on how to do it from Wesley Gibson of "Wanted" fame. And three million dollars in the bank should help with the self-confidence.

The list goes on and on - give the dirty finger, show your shiny-as-a-baby's-head butt, simulate masturbation and sex, and flaunt what should best be hidden for the sake of the viewers' sanity, to name a few - but these three are the worst things you can do in front of a CCTV security camera.

Or the best, if you are one of the top contenders in Big Brother!

For authoritative opinions on CCTV systems and CCTV equipment, visit Video-Surveillance-Guide.com and choose the perfect CCTV security camera for your home and office.

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Scary Creatures on the Prowl - A Happy Hollywood Halloween

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Don't just settle for witches and princesses this Halloween. Other than dressing like scary creatures meant to give party-goers a heart attack, why not try to be inspired by Hollywood stars this Halloween 2008?

When in Hollywood, Halloween is never something to fear. With lots of parties leading up to the thriller season, fans could feast on the sight of their favorite stars donning hot costumes that would make you love the darkness of November 1.

Celebrities become willing victims of fashion every Halloween. This is the probably the only time when the red carpet is laid out for over-the-top, freakish and downright tacky Hollywood fashion sense. It's only during these events when celebrities can proudly come up to the fashion police dressing like a killer clown, demented ballerina, Hercules, or some wild mythical animal, without being ridiculed or crushed in the tabloids.

Last year's famous Hollywood Halloween parties showcased a lot of interestingly scary fictional creatures portrayed by some headline-making stars. Paris Hilton shocked everyone when she came out as a freakish blue-eyed Alice in Wonderland. Basketball rebel, Dennis Rodman was in a very festive mode last Halloween co-playing as, well, himself, only prettier. Victoria Secret's dream, Heidi Klum bashed the party with a tempting red apple costume together with husband, Seal, as Eve. Everybody was waiting for Britney Spears to come and considering what will be her Halloween costume. The most controversial star wearing unusual costume is really a highlight for the press.

Everyone is definitely on the lookout for more show-stopping costumes and entities that these celebrities would be sporting for Halloween 2008. Because of the buzz created by the Batman movie, chances are that this November, bats will be all around the hottest parties guarding not only Gotham City, but the streets of Hollywood, as well. Spider-man will be around your friendly neighborhood, too...probably hanging out with Batman for the season of fright.

Politics is also an odd mix to the Halloween fever as famous politicians Sarah Palin and Barrack Obama are expected to be the main squeeze. They may not be scary (literally) enough for this season, but coming out as these political figures would absolutely earn some stares.

Hannah Montana, the queen of tweens, is an inspiration for costumes this year. Don't be surprise when a bevy of little girls looking like Hannah Montana knock on your door for treats. Though definitely not a strange creature, Hannah Montana is a creative costume idea to gain some attention this Halloween.

Traditional costumes like witches, princess and boogieman are still in this ghostly season of November. From mythical animals, strange creatures, and fictional creatures of the night to the most Hollywood inspired, trendy costumes this Halloween 2008 is sure to give you a fright and some amount of fun alongside parties and booze.

A Computer Engineering student and loves to travel. Reading current news in the internet is one of his past times. Taking pictures of the things around him fully satisfies him. He loves to play badminton and his favorite pets are cats.

For more information and queries, you may visit Scary Creatures

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Want to Blow Your Payday Loans? Then Invest in ChindMgu!

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According to that popular encyclopedia of Netizens made by Netizens called the Wakopedia (er, sorry, that should be Wikipedia), chindMgu is the unique Japanese art of inventing "unuseless" things. You invent something that has the noblest of intentions to make life easier and you end up with a contraption that is a problem unto itself. There go your noble intentions on the list of the 101 Japanese useless inventions.

Still, chindMgu is a nice way to blow your payday loans away. At the very least, you can have a patent to your name, never mind if it is a portent of crazy wackiness that will land you on the pages of Wakopedia. At best, you have a page devoted to your invention, doubtful as it might be to humanity's benefit.

Get Started

First, you have to be imaginative to think of out-of-the-box solutions for everyday problems. Think crazy, think sane, think idiotic, think genius. Better yet, think Japanese. Watching Tom Cruise in "The Last Samurai" should suffice. Or maybe your son's anime will do.

Second, look around you and see how you can make people's lives miserable. Oh, wait. Not miserable, livable. You would have to bear in mind that you want to help people with their common everyday problems, not aggravate their problems. Well at least, that is the general idea. Want an example? Do you wish to help career girls with their leather shoes during rainy weather? Invent a shoe umbrella that they can attach to the tips of their shoes, thereby protecting them from dirt, rain and mud.

Third, find a financier for your groundbreaking ideas. Well, not every venture capitalist will come knocking to your door but, hey! Payday loans can finance your inventions! You have to remember that payday loans can reach as much as $1,500 net. With that kind of money, you should be able to invent something that will give you a return on investment more than twice the payday loans. That is, if you play your cards right.

Get Inspired

If you are still a long way towards thinking Japanese chindMgu, you can always get inspiration from these original inventions, which are perfectly affordable even with $100 payday loans:

- A hard hat with a suction cup at the back - for those times when you really must sleep on the bus and you cannot afford to lean into your seatmate. Unfortunately, it does not prevent theft of your bag and it does not have tissue paper to wipe your drool. Well, read on.

- A toilet paper dispenser perched on top of your head - for those times when you have to wipe the drool off your mouth while sleeping on the bus. Also useful when you have hay fever, phlegm-inducing coughing attacks, make-out sessions (assuming your partner will love to make out with an alien) and diarrhea-on-the-go.

- A baby onesie mop - for those times when your floor is dirty but you don't have the time to mop the floor. Might as well put the baby to the task, right? On the other hand, you could just attach a mop handle to the baby's back to make the job faster.

You can employ anything and everything in your quest to be the next Thomas Alva Edison of inventors. Just put your mind to it and you will have a notable chindMgu to be proud of. After all, you did your fellowmen well with your invention!

And that, ladies and gentlemen of the unimaginative world, is the best way to blow your payday loans!

You can always put your cash advance and payday loans in Ontario from MoneyLoansCompany.com to good use. With payday loans, you can invent your own chindMgu. Visit them now and get started!

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Barack Obama Loses in Brazilian Elections!

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It's official, Barack Obama has failed in his bid to win the election!

But wait, before you decide to leave the country and escape another four years of Republican rule, please allow me to elaborate, Barack Obama has failed to win in the Brazilian local elections!

In total, six candidates adopted Senator Obama's name, hoping to distinguish themselves from other candidates.

Claudio Henrique dos Anjos is one of those 'Obama' candidates. He registered himself as Claudio Henrique-Barack Obama after people started comparing him with the real Senator Obama.

"I am black and I wore a suit on television and people started to tell me I was just like that Barack Obama guy in the United States" he said.

Mr. dos Anjos, was running for mayor of the city of Belford Roxo, on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro.

It is quite common for Brazilian politicians to adopt unusual names during elections. Candidates are allowed to either register in their own name or a chosen one. Many use nicknames whilst others adopt famous names to grab attention.

Over 200 candidates named themselves after the country's current president, Luiz In?o Lula da Silva, who remains extremely popular with an 80% approval rating.

One candidate in particular changed his name to President Lula, whilst others added Lula to their names hoping the president's success would rub off. Ambulance Lula, Radio Lula, Singer Lula, Hairdresser Lula and Here Comes Lula to name but a few!

Other famous named candidates included Jorge Bushi and Bill Clinton!

Adam H. Bolton is an International News Researcher based in the UK.

His research often uncovers weird, strange, bizarre & funny news stories from around the world.

These truly amazing real-life stories are regularly published on the popular news site FunnyNewsStories.org.

Please visit http://FunnyNewsStories.org for the latest weird & funny news stories!

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Funny Motivation Posters Galore!

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Many internet denizens have noticed a new phenomenon cropping up on the internet, namely funny motivation posters. These posters, created by various anonymous comedians, feature everything from house cats to hilarious screw-up's caught on camera. They may not motivate, but they do entertain, and as such there has been a rush to create them as various people try to go for the biggest laugh.

What goes into a funny motivation poster?

Though the images in these posters vary, the format is the same. A simple black border, separated by another black border with a white (or other lightly-colored) line, with an image inside and a few large words at the bottom. The large words are always followed by a brief comment to ensure the viewer gets the joke, and this setup mocks more proper (but less entertaining) motivational posters. Such an image is easy to make, and many people have created easily modified images and blank templates to ensure that anyone can quickly and easily make their own.

Can I make a funny motivation poster?

Sure! It's the internet, who'd wanna stop you? Let's say you took a picture of your cat standing atop your mailbox. After cropping it and centering it inside the frame, you might decide that it looks like he's guarding your mailbox. So you put in some big text at the bottom which reads "GUARD CAT" and then include the subtitle "He protects us from bills." There you go, it's that easy and simple.

But it isn't motivational at all!

Most of these posters aren't. In fact, some are decidedly depressing, or thick with dark humor, and are even referred to as "Anti-Motivation Posters." The phenomenon of funny motivational posters (known as a "meme" in internet jargon) extends well beyond the bounds of merely providing motivation. Many times they are used to succinctly make a point, comment on a picture, or otherwise entertain. Sometimes they even comment on other motivational posters! While the earliest ones kept with a motivational theme, that has long since been discarded in favor of pure humor, and now it's rare to find a poster that has anything to do with motivation.

Then why are they still called "funny motivation posters"?

The meme started with a motivational format, and the name has stuck even if the name has not. The fact is, they are still meant to appear similar to motivational posters found and ignored in offices around the world, and as such they are quietly poking fun at the idea that a poster could make a place more fun to work at. Many still work as motivational posters, non-standard as they are, and many people who are big fans of this meme have printed them out to post on the cubicle walls.

Is this legal?

Provided that the image used in the poster has an open copyright or is one you made yourself, it's fine. So come on in and join the fun, and see what others have made, and maybe even make a poster or two yourself?

Ian Pennington is an accomplished niche website developer and author. To learn more about motivation posters visit Motivation Now for current articles and discussions.

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